And Yet…Life Changes Again…

Remember when you were 5 and your mom asked you what you were going to be when you grew up?  “Oh mom, don’t you know that all there is to this life is being a mom.  Sam and Emily (my twin baby dolls) would be lost without me.” 

Then you got to age 10.  “I’m going to be a teacher, I just love kids there would be nothing better.”

Age 13.  “I’m going to be a famous actress on Broadway, I’ll sing and perform it’s the greatest joy in life.  I can make it.”

Here’s Sweet 16.  “I’m going to be a cosmetologist.  Doing hair and makeup all day to make people beautiful, what a life!”

The big 1-8.  “I’m going to be a newscaster and be on “Good Things Utah”  I would love to work with other women and share the joys the world has to offer.”

Here I am age 19.  As I look back and see the dreams of my youth I realize something.  Life is not what you plan.  It’s not meant to be on your terms.  I see these aspirations and smile because I know I could do any of them with the talents God has blessed  me with.  If I’m doing something Heavenly Father wouldn’t want me to do though…life wouldn’t be worth living.

Life has thrown me a curveball.  A week ago I was a student at UVU and living at Ventana apartments.  Today I’m withdrawn from school and moved back home because I’m sick.  I though I might as well get it out there, I’ve always hated the whole whisper situation, “wait what’s Julia up to these days?”  So yes world I’m not doing the best physically BUT I’m on the road for healing.  I’m not a college “dropout”, I didn’t give up, I just tried to be as brave as I possibly could.  I did something that was completely against any plan I had for myself.  I was always going to be that girl that faced the world with the attitude that I’m going to conquer anything that comes my way.  I’ve been given a big wake up call.  No one is perfect, and sometimes the brave thing to do is realize that I need help.

So what to do?  My life is now something I never imagined for myself.  I’m going to make the most out of this healing experience.  I’m going to try to do the things I couldn’t do if I were crazed and busy in school.  I plan to have sewing projects, learn at least 3 new recipes each week, I hope to be in a play, I’m going to actually practice for long periods of time on my voice, I’m going to make cards and deliver them to people I love, I’m going to work full time and save up for BYU.  Yes, I’m working to be a cougar!  I’ve missed me.  I hope to get me back not just physically but mentally and spiritually.  I know this list may seem like something a “sick person” shouldn’t do, or if you’re doing this why can’t you go to school?  Well you see, these are events that I can do without a lot of physical strain and on the days where I’m not doing really great I don’t HAVE to do something. 

Heavenly Father isn’t ashamed in me, so why should I be ashamed in myself?  I’m not, and if anyone is well that’s just energy they shouldn’t be spending.  I hope through this time in my life I prepare myself to be the best daughter, student, and wife and mother.  The more I grow up, the more I learn this principle.  We are to be like little children.  When I was 5 I picked the greatest career I could ever have.  A mother.  If I had my way I’d be one right now, but like I said before this isn’t my plan.

This has also been a scary time for me, but the scriptures have helped me immensely.  I am not the only one who’s felt alone or have asked “why me?”  My mother keeps reminding me of D&C 121: 7-9

7My son (daughter), peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

8And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.

9Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.

I have the most amazing friends and family in this world, and I thank you all for being here for me in my hard time.  Life may not be what you expect it to be, or what you want it to be.  But if you have God on your side and friends and family who will stand by you, you can conquer any giant!

I testify that God is real and all things are possible through Him.